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Fallow Season

by Tabitha Brower

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1.
Beginning 03:31
Can I talk to you and not sound cliché? ‘Cause I’ve never met you but will someday? And I’ve never loved you but I can say I’ll love you longtime some day ‘Cause I’m sick of waiting, I’m so impatient You should know that about me And I’d just like to get on With the business of brushing our teeth Side by side over one bathroom sink And I’d just like to get on With the business of getting too mad Over who said what, when it was, and I would just like to get on With loving you Annoying you Kissing you Enjoying you Dismissing you Forgiving you Repenting too Exciting you Boring you and Missing you Wanting you Embracing you And drinking you in And then we’ll have a kid And it’ll start again With us  Loving her Amazed by her Discovering her Sustained by her But I’d just like to get on I’d just like to get on I’d just like to get on I’d just like to get on  With the things we’ll do Till we get old Till one of us Is first to go (I hope it’s me ‘Cause I’m no good At grieving But statistically You’ll leave me) And what I mean And what I mean Is let’s get on with beginning with beginning  Hey, let’s get on with beginning
2.
Growing Up 02:44
I wanted to kiss you to grow up If you’re listening, you know what a childish way to think If you’re listening, you know what a fool I’ve made of me I’ve never felt more like a child I feel sick, sick, sick ‘Cause growin’ up, I guess Is not magic ‘Cause growin’ up, I guess Is not magic I wanted to kiss you to move on But I swear I could see us together for a while I wanted to get some perspective, and maybe attention Haven’t had it for a while Haven’t had it for a while Haven’t had it for a while Haven’t had it for a while I’ve never felt more like a child I feel young, dumb, sad And I have not grown up I’ve just made things bad I’ve never felt more like a child I feel sick, sick, sick ‘Cause growin’ up, I guess Is not magic ‘Cause growin’ up, I guess Is not magic
3.
Blazing 02:44
I was angry at you, darling 'Cause you didn't say the words That I'd hoped for, and was sure You would give As a favor, as an offering of peace, As a kindness Words I knew would be easy to say Forgive me, love, That I need to forgive you Not meeting expectations That I set Forgive me, man, I've been so angry with you For not saying what I thought You should have said I am fire either way Blazing towards you or away Burning for you or with shame Always too hot a flame I am fire either way Blazing towards you or away Burning for you or with shame Always too hot a flame I was raging, forest fire ‘Cause you didn’t give me peace And you could have easily What a wound Everybody knows the saying Tell me that you love me, baby But not the way I’m craving Couldn’t you? I am fire either way Blazing towards you or away Burning for you or with shame Always too hot a flame I am fire either way Blazing towards you or away Burning for you or with shame Always too hot a flame I am fire either way Blazing towards you or away Burning for you or with shame Always too hot a flame
4.
As it happens, Today was hard I didn’t like me and I Didn't like the cards I held in my hands Or I'd already played I didn't like the odds, I didn't like the game As it happens, I felt like a wreck Like who would want to be A part of this mess Like I could understand If everyone left But I don't talk like this I don’t talk like this I’m scared That's all I seem to be now Just scared And I can't see a way out I'm scared Like it's all I'll ever know How to do So could you See me through Like I'm just made up of fears I'm scared to find  out that I’m still here Like I’m just made up of years of hiding out, of being insincere  As it happens, Today was hard I didn’t like me and I Didn't like the cards I held in my hands Or I'd already played I didn't like the odds, I didn't like the game But I don't talk like this I don’t talk like this I don't talk like this No, I don't talk like this I’m scared That's all I seem to be now Just scared And I can't see a way out I'm scared Like it's all I'll ever know How to do So could you See me through I’m scared That's all I seem to be now Just scared And I can't see a way out I'm scared Like it's all I'll ever know How to do So could you See me through 'Cause I don't talk like this I don't talk like this I don't talk like this I don't talk like this
5.
Cathedral 02:53
You are a cathedral All filled up with light A holy place, and in your face I see such stunning heights I am a believer Waiting in the pews I tried to join the choir but Kept grinning back at you I don’t know if I’m talking to my man or my god I don’t know if I love you Or worship in awe You are like a temple Flooded with the saints A sacred spot which we have fought a dozen wars to stake I am a believer Flooded with my fright A haunted place and in my face You see nothing is right I don’t know if I’m praying Or howling for you I don’t know if this quaking Is fear or gratitude I don’t want the comfort of anyone else I don’t want their hymns or love Just you and yourself I don't want the comfort of anyone else I don't want their hymns or love Just you and yourself I don’t know if I’m talking to my man or my god I don’t know if I love you Or worship in awe I don’t know if I’m praying Or howling for you I don’t know if this quaking Is fear or gratitude A sacred name I like to say: My baby, and my God
6.
Bare 03:13
I held my bleeding heart out Like it was something to be proud of Like I hadn't learned from my army pa the truth That a bleeding heart makes a bloody mess of you I let--I begged you to hurt me To run me out, to leave me empty Like I hadn't learned when my pa was stern with me That without a war, there can be no victory And there's no war with you, but I seek out injury. And I finally understood The mess I make The risk I take When I try to be good The great mistake I undertake Believing that I should Be as bare  As I can be A dreamer lost in the woods You don't feel love You feel pity I hold my hollow hopes out Like they're something to be proud of Like you haven't told me I'm being naive Like I’m a child, like I haven’t seen a thing And I finally understood The mess I make The risk I take When I try to be good The great mistake I undertake Believing that I should Be as bare  As I can be A dreamer lost in the woods You don't feel love You feel pity I held my bleeding heart out Like it was something to be proud of Like I hadn't learned from my army pa the truth That a bleeding heart makes a bloody mess of you
7.
Brave 02:33
You were not afraid Of anything I could not relax Fear fancies me You are like our whole Brave family Leap into the unknown Go fearlessly But I’m the kind Who held us back We never learned to dive I feared shark attacks And I recall The mountain slope Stretched out below While you tried to coax Me through the snow And down the hill Tears on my coat I’d had my fill But still you rose Climbed up to meet me And though you froze Did it so sweetly ‘Cause you were not ashamed of anything You could play the fool fearlessly And you were like your own Anomaly Came into your own So beautifully So where am I from That I am so scared Why do I feel Always unprepared Why do I need That reassurance ‘Cause I’m not like you Go with the current ‘Cause you are not afraid of anything I cannot relax Fear fancies me You are like our whole  brave family
8.
Galilee 03:25
Last New Year’s I sang about you But I don’t wanna make mistakes I always do This New Year’s meet someone new  But I’m so scared to make a new mistake like you Last New Year’s We stayed out late  But I don’t wanna make Mistakes I always make This New Year’s make an honest end with old friends and strangers,  I’ll start again ‘Cause baby I was brave at least  Even if I’m incomplete Baby, I’m a wreck at sea But so was Pete at Galilee  Baby I still sing to you Will I ever love someone new? Baby I’m a crying mess But maybe so was Jesus ’Cause baby I broke my own heart I ran over the things I want Baby I am like a child But so was Moses on the Nile Baby I was brave at least I’ll always be incomplete And I can be a wreck at sea ‘Cause so was Pete on Galilee I can falter on my feet So did Pete on Galilee  Baby I was brave at least  Even if I’m incomplete Baby, if I sink at sea So did Pete on Galilee  Baby, if I sink at sea So did Pete on Galilee  
9.
Bankrupt 03:20
Yesterday, I came to you Deposited a hope or two Or all of them in you Can you repay me? Cause I so value being brave And being bold and unafraid That I have made Some poor decisions I’m bad with my money I’m bad with my love I’m bad at investing In what I should not My gran used to tell me Don’t burn through it all But what good is money But to be miserable I don’t know how money works I don’t know how loving works I don’t know why money’s bad I don’t know why loving’s sad I don’t know why wealth corrupts Money and love--I’m so bankrupt And I am bad at penny scraping And I don’t have a love worth saving I’m bad with my money I’m bad with my love I’m bad at investing In what I should not My gran used to tell me Don’t burn through it all But what good is loving But to be miserable

about

Immense gratitude to Tate Sexton for his generosity, patience, and creativity as producer, Jocelyn Clark for creating artwork that feels just like the album, Carol Allred and David Call for the endless listens, suggestions, and support (and album photography, thanks, Bear), along with many other wonderfully supportive family and friends.

credits

released July 17, 2020

Tabitha Brower: Lyrics, Vocals, Guitar, Percussion
Tate Sexton: Production, Vocals, Guitar, Banjo, Violin, Percussion, Bass, Keys
Nathan Hardyman: Vocals, Bass, Percussion
Emma Hardyman: Vocals, Percussion
Dante the Dog: Vocals, Team Spirit

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Tabitha Brower Provo, Utah

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